


The Blowjob Incident

by orphan_account



Series: The AU That Never Was [2]
Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: M/M, Multi, stupid sexy eren
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-13
Updated: 2015-09-13
Packaged: 2018-04-20 12:24:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,102
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4787174
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In Levi's defense, both of their names start with an "E".</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Blowjob Incident

**Author's Note:**

> back at it again with AU That Never Was. 
> 
> I don't apologize

It had started so innocently.

No. Innocent was not the word for this. Erwin did not “innocently” suck bruises onto Levi’s inner thighs, nor was there anything innocent about the way he took Levi all the way into his mouth and hummed a nonsense little tune that had Levi’s back arching off the mattress.

Nothing innocent about the way Eren’s stupid shorts had cupped his stupid bottom so tightly, somehow giving it a lifting effect like some kind of goddamn Butt Wonder-bra. Nothing virginal about the twinkle in his eyes as he unwrapped the popsicle he’d bought from the ice-cream truck and sucked it in a way that brought to mind those weirdly sensual descriptions you find in a cheap smutty romance novel.

More specifically, the kind of novels Levi hid under the bed to read while his husband was away.

Even more specifically, the kind that Erwin knew were under the bed, and had a few favorites himself.

Well, one thought led to another, Erwin was suddenly replaced by Eren in Levi’s head and he moaned the wrong name at his climax. Erwin was polite enough to swallow first before he burst into a fit of laughter while Levi struggled to pull his pants up and march in what he hoped came off as a dignified fashion to the bathroom, where he locked himself in and had the longest, coldest shower of his life to help him contemplate how the flying fuck his life had led to this point in time.

Meanwhile, knowing Levi needed some time to himself, Erwin straightened himself out, and went to pay a visit to their next door neighbor before it got too late at night. Eren welcomed him, made some tea, and they sat and talked for a very long time about Levi until the tea had been replaced with wine, that ended up being spilled on Eren’s white shirt.

“Ah shit.” The brunette scowled. “Just went to the laundromat yesterday.”

“You can come over and use our washing machine.” Erwin offered. “Levi has a fabulous collection of stain-removers and fabric softeners.”

“Ooh, very tempting.” Eren grinned. “Catch me Mr. Smith, I may swoon from delight.” Erwin laughed, and the two of them headed back to the Smith residence, where Levi had finished his angry shower and went to sleep, still angry, confused, and for some reason, slightly aroused. So he had no idea that Eren was in his living-room, shirtless and looking at their pictures while Erwin went to work on the deep-red stain that had ingrained itself into the fabric.

“It’s going to take a while to clean.” Erwin said apologetically, coming out of the laundry room” You can stay here, or I can drop it off in the morning.”

“And miss the chance to sleep half-naked in your living-room after what you told me?” Eren shook his head. “No way.”

Erwin smiled knowingly, bid Eren goodnight, and went to go cuddle his pissed-off beloved.

Needless to say, Levi was not happy when he entered the living-room the next morning, coffee mixed with creamer and sugar in hand to find Eren Jaeger, shirtless, and snoring his perky lil butt off on his sofa.

What.

The.

Actual.

Fuck.

This was not happening. This was not happening, this was not happening, nope no way, nuh-uh, nope nope nope nope. No way in hell.

Even though he so desperately wanted to step back and go back to the bedroom to kick his husband out of bed and calmly demand an explanation, Levi found himself moving towards the prone figure on the couch. Crouching down next to him, Levi had a chance to study Eren up close in a way he never got to before. For all his piercings and shit, he was seriously pretty. Thick eyelashes, flawless skin tanned to a golden hue, an utterly peaceful and rather angelic expression his face.

He wanted to come all over that pretty faaaaaa _aaaaaaaaAHHHHHHH WHERE THE HELL DID THAT COME FROM WHAT THE FUCK WHAT THE FUCK WHAT THE FUCK._

In the fierceness of his internal screaming, Levi had emitted the tiniest squeak of pure frustration, and this was what woke Eren up.

“Nnh?” He mumbled, cracking open an eye to blearily focus on the figure in front of him.

Levi upended his coffee mug over Eren’s head. Probably wasn’t the first time the kid had something hot and creamy splashed on his face.

Or in such a quantity either. Levi saw the type of company Eren had on Friday nights. And sometimes he also saw the activities they got up to, which added to his frustrated, confused lusting over the fucking idiot.

Eren was up in an instant, spluttering and wiping his face on his arm before he groaned and and flopped back onto the couch, palms pressed over his eyes.

“I still have a whole pot in the kitchen.” Levi said casually, standing back up.

“Why’d you do that?” Eren whined, removing his hands and blinking rapidly. Levi studiously ignored the drop of liquid slowing making it’s way down Eren’s clavicle and glared down at him.

“What are you doing in my house.” He asked flatly.

“Ugh...Waiting for my shirt to finish drying.”

“Why is your shirt in my house.”

“Your husband offered to clean it for me.”

“The fuck was he talking to you for?”

“Uh, because it’s polite? We had a few glasses of wine, I spilled some and long story short, I’m here. Dripping with coffee. Gross.” He shook his hands in disgust, flicking droplets onto the carpet.

Eren was too busy complaining to notice the sudden white-knuckled grip Levi had on his mug, or the slight widening of his eyes as he put two and two together. He silently went back to the bedroom, stared at his sleeping husband, returned to the kitchen to refill his mug, and came back to the bedroom to pour it over Erwin’s head as well. He’d make the blond bastard pay for the cleaning when all this had gone away.

“Living-room. Now.” He said tersely, while his husband cursed and wiped his face on the sheets.

And that was how he had two soaked, handsome men sitting on his sofa. At least Erwin had the grace to look somewhat ashamed of himself.

But Eren...Ooh, that fucker somehow had that cocky, confident attitude back in a matter of minutes. That shit-eating grin, the spark in his eyes at a challenge... Levi didn’t know whether to violently punch him or violently make out with him.

(He actually did, but like hell was he gonna acknowledge it.)

**Author's Note:**

> i
> 
> i want to apologize after all


End file.
